My sister makes these AMAZING letters for the wall and she's having a giveaway. You should check it out here and you might win one if you're lucky!
http://6lalas.blogspot.com/2010/01/giveaway.html
26 January 2010
23 January 2010
Scarves
I've been in a designing mode lately and last week I had designed two super cute scarves. I would like to make several and try to sale them, among other items, on etsy. I don't have an etsy shop yet but it's one I've been wanting to set-up. (I've been talking about it for awhile.)
I can't wait to use it outside! I have another scarf I designed which I'm super excited to make, but that may have to wait until after the girls weekend.
But anyways, here's my sketch:
And here's the finish project:
I can't wait to use it outside! I have another scarf I designed which I'm super excited to make, but that may have to wait until after the girls weekend.
Mom's Birthday and Portland
Today we took my Mom to Portland to celebrate her birthday.
One of her New Year's Resolution was to visit Voodoo Donuts.
So we were going to surprise her. 'Were' is the keyword here. Someone let the cat out of the bag. But that's ok it was still fun. Laura and her two wee ones traveled up with me. While Dennis and Mary traveled with my mom and dad.
We had lunch at Old Town Pizza, stood in line for Voodoo Donuts and walked around waterfront park.
We saw no ghosts while we were at Old Town Pizza.
Dennis and Mary showed off their dancing movies while we waited in line for Voodoo Donuts.
And on another note, I find it funny that the wee ones will rather pretend that they are asleep than to have their picture taken.
21 January 2010
Oregon
I just LOVE Oregon! I truly do. Even with all the rain.
Back in October 2008, Laura and I visited Cathedral Park up in Portland and I just fell in love with all of these red leaves on the ground.
On another note, thanks everyone for your support. It meant a lot.
20 January 2010
Creativity and Perfection
I have what I call creativity ADD & I want to make people happy with my creativity. I'm slow, everyone knows that. I have a lot on my plate & I over project myself - usually with projects for other people. I want projects for others to be perfect. A lot of times I get stumped on items, which cause delays - either in the beginning or the middle. But I put a lot of thought & effort in everything I make other people. When I'm stumped it takes me awhile - I'm not a "quick on her feet thinker." I mull over different options. Constantly asking, "Which is best?" "Which will look good?" Because I care for the person & I want them to have something they can wear proudly. So my slowness is not done on purpose. It's because I want it to be perfect.
And it hurts when I'm taken for granted. It hurts that my slowness is misunderstood. It hurts when I'm talked down by someone thinking they're better than me. So to try and make that person happy I send out a half-assed project, a finished project that they won't like, a finished product I'm not happy with, & a finished product that they're like "this is it?" and no thank you for your effort.
That is a waste of my time. And it hurts being misunderstood, especially when I put my projects on hold to do things for others.
And it hurts when I'm taken for granted. It hurts that my slowness is misunderstood. It hurts when I'm talked down by someone thinking they're better than me. So to try and make that person happy I send out a half-assed project, a finished project that they won't like, a finished product I'm not happy with, & a finished product that they're like "this is it?" and no thank you for your effort.
That is a waste of my time. And it hurts being misunderstood, especially when I put my projects on hold to do things for others.
19 January 2010
Old stuff is my new stuff....
Last September when we were in Port Angeles, WA we stopped and browsed through an antique store, where I found this really cool old camera which is from the early 20's in pretty good condition. I nabbed it to put it on display and I thought it was the coolest thing EVER. And I still do!
Since then I've been wanting to browse through antique stores to see what I can find. A couple weekends ago I did that and found a camera from the 50's... I was drawn to the flash, it's so HUGE!
And I discovered a sewing machine from 1956 that was never used. Unfortunately the foot petal was not packed with the sewing machine but that's ok since it's on display. But it still has a tag on it!
I just may have been bit by the antique bug. You know, when we were in New Orleans we stopped off at an antique store but it didn't draw me in like this... maybe because it was furniture that was out of my price range and no way for me to get it home.
And my next thing I'm doing is creating a memory / joy wall. I've printed several pictures to hang up on my wall, but as usual I'm having a hard time editing which ones to use. Here's a couple that I'll be using:
I may fill it up with past memories and won't have room for new ones! LOL
Since then I've been wanting to browse through antique stores to see what I can find. A couple weekends ago I did that and found a camera from the 50's... I was drawn to the flash, it's so HUGE!
And I discovered a sewing machine from 1956 that was never used. Unfortunately the foot petal was not packed with the sewing machine but that's ok since it's on display. But it still has a tag on it!
I just may have been bit by the antique bug. You know, when we were in New Orleans we stopped off at an antique store but it didn't draw me in like this... maybe because it was furniture that was out of my price range and no way for me to get it home.
And my next thing I'm doing is creating a memory / joy wall. I've printed several pictures to hang up on my wall, but as usual I'm having a hard time editing which ones to use. Here's a couple that I'll be using:
In April 2009 Laura, Kim, and I attended a Digital Photography class. But it ended up being more of "Understanding Digital Photography and some points in post production editing."
In August 2008 we went to the Border's release party of Breaking Dawn. Kelsy and I dressed up :-)
In July 2008, Sarah attended the first day of Comic Con in San Diego with me. We ended up camping outside of Hall H and had awesome seats for the panels the following day. Which one of those happened to be a Twilight panel. This was my first time camping out for anything. I now can say I slept on the streets of San Diego.
In April 2008, we did a family trip down to Bandon, OR. We got to hold little baby leopards and I saw a white tiger. I love white tigers...
In August 2008, Laura and I did a trip up to Forks, WA and little Lach had the opportunity of coming with us. This was back when Lach liked me, now he's too busy to let me hold him or smile at me. I just get "ehhh" when I try to hold him... what did I do that boy? :-) LOL
In September 2007 I had an opportunity to visit Egypt which has always been a dream of mine. And it was amazing! I accomplished every goal I had for Egypt!!
Photo by Laura
These are my roomies from 2004. I love my old roomies.
These are my roomies from 2004. I love my old roomies.
In November 2009 two of my friends came to visit me, this is Kim and she is so funny!
Photo by Laura and post production by me
In September 2008 Kelsy and I decided we wanted to dress up like punks and go to the movies. So we roped Derek and a friend of Kelsy's to come with us. (I put eyeliner on Derek.) We went and saw Mama Mia and the looks we got from people was priceless! People would actually avoid us and quickly get out of our way. It was a very interesting social experiment and very fun!
I may fill it up with past memories and won't have room for new ones! LOL
15 January 2010
letterboxing part deux
And here's the wonderful sight the good folks at the library had to incur last night while I was out "hunting wabbits" er... I mean boxes with the lovely Despain girls. :-) I can't wait to do another one, it was so much fun!
Yay! my sheets are now done. Well, I'm off to make my bed and then to get into it. Man I love sleeping.
Photo by Kim
Yay! my sheets are now done. Well, I'm off to make my bed and then to get into it. Man I love sleeping.
letterboxing
Last night I sported awesome rubber boots over my work pants (I felt like I should be riding a horse), grabbed my pink fluffy Hello Kitty pen, stamp, and ink pad to go letterboxing with Kim and her girls! I told Kim it was like she had another daughter!
It was a lot of fun! We did two hunts and the second one was a Harry Potter one. It was exciting! We accidentally interrupted a couple snogging... oops! And we discovered the next place for our next photowalk.
Are you intrigued yet? If so mosey on over to Kim's blog (our newly discovered cousin) for all the pictures and details.
It was a lot of fun! We did two hunts and the second one was a Harry Potter one. It was exciting! We accidentally interrupted a couple snogging... oops! And we discovered the next place for our next photowalk.
Are you intrigued yet? If so mosey on over to Kim's blog (our newly discovered cousin) for all the pictures and details.
14 January 2010
Life lessons
Free. What does the word free mean to you?
In my mind, as most Americans, free is a gift or an item that you're given without paying or giving other services for it .
But that's not true. It's a lure to bring you in so you put your guard down. I learned that in Egypt.
"Free gift!" is not a free gift, it's an item they put in your hands and then get you to pay for it. Unless you're me, I got my "free gift" without paying for it. (It's called run away to the safety of the guarded cruise ship. LOL) In fact one night on our cruise, Aarti and I were talking to our new found friend in the gift shop. He pulled something out and told us it's a "free gift." We looked at him and said "We know what free really means here in Egypt." and he just laughed. It's funny because it's true.
But it's true everywhere. Come on, everyone has heard, "There's no such thing as a free gift." It's true, you may think you're getting something for free but that's because you didn't read everything completely. For example, you sign up for a free credit report and then you notice you're being charged $14.95 every month. How can this happen? That was free! Yes it was free with an enrollment in their program that costs $14.95 a month. And you just checked that box to continue without reading the information.
But I do know one thing that is truely free, thanks to identify theft! You are entitled to a free copy of your credit report every year which you can get here. But if you want your credit score you'll have to buy that! You know, you should check your credit every year to make sure it's accurate. It's a way to make sure your identity hasn't been stolen and accurate information is being reported. You have the right to dispute any inaccurate information.
You know what else?
Scammers. Or who I like to call scummers becasue they're scum.
They're everywhere waiting to strike you when you least expect it. And sadly they pop up during horrible disasters. Remember that earthquake in Haiti that happened only a few days ago? It breaks your heart and you want to help somehow, anyway possible. Then you get a lovely email from a company asking for donations to help. You think I can't personally go help, but I can at least donate some money to help them. And then you click that link. And you've just been scammed. Here's a link to the FBI site for information and warnings on the Haiti Relief scams.
So what's the life lesson? READ! Read every single word before you sign, before you click submit / continue, before you click "I have read and understand the terms and conditions" (Ok, I admit I don't read every terms and conditions but I will read enough to find out if it costs me money and how to cancel.)
And that's your lessons for tonight. Sorry, I felt like being on a soap box tonight.
In my mind, as most Americans, free is a gift or an item that you're given without paying or giving other services for it .
But that's not true. It's a lure to bring you in so you put your guard down. I learned that in Egypt.
"Free gift!" is not a free gift, it's an item they put in your hands and then get you to pay for it. Unless you're me, I got my "free gift" without paying for it. (It's called run away to the safety of the guarded cruise ship. LOL) In fact one night on our cruise, Aarti and I were talking to our new found friend in the gift shop. He pulled something out and told us it's a "free gift." We looked at him and said "We know what free really means here in Egypt." and he just laughed. It's funny because it's true.
But it's true everywhere. Come on, everyone has heard, "There's no such thing as a free gift." It's true, you may think you're getting something for free but that's because you didn't read everything completely. For example, you sign up for a free credit report and then you notice you're being charged $14.95 every month. How can this happen? That was free! Yes it was free with an enrollment in their program that costs $14.95 a month. And you just checked that box to continue without reading the information.
But I do know one thing that is truely free, thanks to identify theft! You are entitled to a free copy of your credit report every year which you can get here. But if you want your credit score you'll have to buy that! You know, you should check your credit every year to make sure it's accurate. It's a way to make sure your identity hasn't been stolen and accurate information is being reported. You have the right to dispute any inaccurate information.
You know what else?
Scammers. Or who I like to call scummers becasue they're scum.
They're everywhere waiting to strike you when you least expect it. And sadly they pop up during horrible disasters. Remember that earthquake in Haiti that happened only a few days ago? It breaks your heart and you want to help somehow, anyway possible. Then you get a lovely email from a company asking for donations to help. You think I can't personally go help, but I can at least donate some money to help them. And then you click that link. And you've just been scammed. Here's a link to the FBI site for information and warnings on the Haiti Relief scams.
So what's the life lesson? READ! Read every single word before you sign, before you click submit / continue, before you click "I have read and understand the terms and conditions" (Ok, I admit I don't read every terms and conditions but I will read enough to find out if it costs me money and how to cancel.)
And that's your lessons for tonight. Sorry, I felt like being on a soap box tonight.
13 January 2010
And the Lady Vanishes
12 January 2010
Film Series
There are several movies in this film series at the Elsinore Theater that I want to see. Tomorrow night I'll be seeing a Hitchock movie, "The Lady Vanishes." I think it's fun watching these old movies up on the big screen. I'm really excited for the silent movies, those are going to be killer!
Who wants to meet up with me and watch some movies?
Who wants to meet up with me and watch some movies?
10 January 2010
Looking back
Just like other blog owners I've been thinking of 2009. This post has been mulling over in my head for the last couple of days. I already knew that 2009 was amazing because I was able to visit 3 places I've always wanted to visit. But then I started to review it and it was even better than I thought!
Here's a quick review
In January our stuff came back to us, even if it wasn't in time for the Burn Notice season premier. Luckily we had a mini tv to watch the premier on. (Our stuff was taken in December to be cleaned because of the smoke damage from the fire). I did my first photo walk with my Holga and Fishlens cameras. And Laura and I experimented in Glowstick photography. (I want to do that again.)
In February I went on my first Twilight Movie tour with awesome friends. I visited Seaside for the first time and enjoyed the brilliant idea of having a swing set on the beach. So relaxing. I went on a carousel, which I haven't done since I was a kid. I think I need to do that every year. I participated in my first photo challenge (along with my Dad and Laura) which was 26 self portraits in 26 days. I might be a narcissist but I really want to do a self portrait challenge again. At the end of February I headed down to New Orleans!
In March I finished up my birthday visit to New Orleans. I've always wanted to visit New Orleans and now I want to go back! I held an alligator when I was there! I saw Wicked in Portland. I took a cake decorating class, now I know how to decorate with fondant. Attended the Twilight DVD release party at Borders which allowed us to have a brilliant photo shoot with Edward and all the tantalizing books.
In April I did another Twilight movie tour with another set of amazing friends. I discovered the candy bar "Fling." If you have no idea what this is you need to find out right now! It's so yummy! Participated in the March of Dimes. And took an archery class. (I always wanted to learn archery!)
In May I took a trip up to Forks and La Push with some awesome friends. Had a great time and we made a bonfire on First Beach. Went to the X-men: Wolverine midnight showing.
In June Jen and Erika came up to visit and we had some fun in Portland. I visited the big Powell's Bookstore for the first time. I know, I know.
In July I went to the Salem Art Fair and did the midnight showing of Harry Potter. I went to Alivia's swim meet and saw her take first place in the butterfly stroke (which was her first time racing that stroke). Kim and I went on a couple photo walks to improve our photography. I saw and got autographs of the ENTIRE Leverage cast! We went up to Portland for a screening of the 1st episode of the second season. Hmm... I wonder if they're going to be filming up here again?
In August I went to Utah to attend my Grandpa's funeral. During a sad moment I was able to meet some cousins that I haven't met before and that was really nice. I went to the airport at 4:30 in the morning while the rest of my family continued driving to Oregon. I landed at PDX around 8:30. I found a nice corner quiet corner in baggage claim and went to sleep until my friends arrived. Why, you ask? Because we were off to Washington DC and New York! I was able to visit Arlington Cemetery and see the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and watch the changing of the guard. I saw the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution! I had my first train ride. In New York I was able to visit the Statue of Liberty, see a Broadway Play, and go to The Met. Those were two places I've always wanted to visit!
In September some friends and I head up to Forks again (it was their first time!) We may have gone up for the Bella Birthday celebration. We stayed in La Push and our cabin was on First Beach. Our first night was a star heaven. It was so clear that the sky was completely covered with stars, all the way down to the horizon on the ocean. (I have not blogged about this trip yet, but I will. I have one thing I need to get done before I can blog about it).
In October I went to a roller derby and it rocked! I attended a night club ride. I designed and made a goth Cinderella costume. I had my first comission job (made a corset for Erica... but somehow I messed up the fitting. But I'm fixing that). I edited the "Grapes of Wrath" video which still makes me laugh.
In November I was able to get a lot of free fabric to make things and practice with (thanks guys!!!) I participated in NaNoWriMo. I may not have completed it, but I participated dang it and I had fun. Next year I will finish! I used a K2 meter on a paranormal tour in Portland when my friends from Utah came to visit me. I bought a cool hat at the Saturday Market in Portland.
In December I took a screenprinting class. (another thing I've always wanted to learn). I went to my niece's first piano recital. A co-worker and I created and delivered 7 food boxes which we ding-dong ditched. I had a fun Christmas with my family even if it was a bit strange because Derek and Steve weren't here, but it was a good Christmas. Also I believe in December I was able to connect to / meet some cousins through blogging - and that's been awesome!
2009 was a great year!
Here's a quick review
In January our stuff came back to us, even if it wasn't in time for the Burn Notice season premier. Luckily we had a mini tv to watch the premier on. (Our stuff was taken in December to be cleaned because of the smoke damage from the fire). I did my first photo walk with my Holga and Fishlens cameras. And Laura and I experimented in Glowstick photography. (I want to do that again.)
In February I went on my first Twilight Movie tour with awesome friends. I visited Seaside for the first time and enjoyed the brilliant idea of having a swing set on the beach. So relaxing. I went on a carousel, which I haven't done since I was a kid. I think I need to do that every year. I participated in my first photo challenge (along with my Dad and Laura) which was 26 self portraits in 26 days. I might be a narcissist but I really want to do a self portrait challenge again. At the end of February I headed down to New Orleans!
In March I finished up my birthday visit to New Orleans. I've always wanted to visit New Orleans and now I want to go back! I held an alligator when I was there! I saw Wicked in Portland. I took a cake decorating class, now I know how to decorate with fondant. Attended the Twilight DVD release party at Borders which allowed us to have a brilliant photo shoot with Edward and all the tantalizing books.
In April I did another Twilight movie tour with another set of amazing friends. I discovered the candy bar "Fling." If you have no idea what this is you need to find out right now! It's so yummy! Participated in the March of Dimes. And took an archery class. (I always wanted to learn archery!)
In May I took a trip up to Forks and La Push with some awesome friends. Had a great time and we made a bonfire on First Beach. Went to the X-men: Wolverine midnight showing.
In June Jen and Erika came up to visit and we had some fun in Portland. I visited the big Powell's Bookstore for the first time. I know, I know.
In July I went to the Salem Art Fair and did the midnight showing of Harry Potter. I went to Alivia's swim meet and saw her take first place in the butterfly stroke (which was her first time racing that stroke). Kim and I went on a couple photo walks to improve our photography. I saw and got autographs of the ENTIRE Leverage cast! We went up to Portland for a screening of the 1st episode of the second season. Hmm... I wonder if they're going to be filming up here again?
In August I went to Utah to attend my Grandpa's funeral. During a sad moment I was able to meet some cousins that I haven't met before and that was really nice. I went to the airport at 4:30 in the morning while the rest of my family continued driving to Oregon. I landed at PDX around 8:30. I found a nice corner quiet corner in baggage claim and went to sleep until my friends arrived. Why, you ask? Because we were off to Washington DC and New York! I was able to visit Arlington Cemetery and see the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and watch the changing of the guard. I saw the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution! I had my first train ride. In New York I was able to visit the Statue of Liberty, see a Broadway Play, and go to The Met. Those were two places I've always wanted to visit!
In September some friends and I head up to Forks again (it was their first time!) We may have gone up for the Bella Birthday celebration. We stayed in La Push and our cabin was on First Beach. Our first night was a star heaven. It was so clear that the sky was completely covered with stars, all the way down to the horizon on the ocean. (I have not blogged about this trip yet, but I will. I have one thing I need to get done before I can blog about it).
In October I went to a roller derby and it rocked! I attended a night club ride. I designed and made a goth Cinderella costume. I had my first comission job (made a corset for Erica... but somehow I messed up the fitting. But I'm fixing that). I edited the "Grapes of Wrath" video which still makes me laugh.
In November I was able to get a lot of free fabric to make things and practice with (thanks guys!!!) I participated in NaNoWriMo. I may not have completed it, but I participated dang it and I had fun. Next year I will finish! I used a K2 meter on a paranormal tour in Portland when my friends from Utah came to visit me. I bought a cool hat at the Saturday Market in Portland.
In December I took a screenprinting class. (another thing I've always wanted to learn). I went to my niece's first piano recital. A co-worker and I created and delivered 7 food boxes which we ding-dong ditched. I had a fun Christmas with my family even if it was a bit strange because Derek and Steve weren't here, but it was a good Christmas. Also I believe in December I was able to connect to / meet some cousins through blogging - and that's been awesome!
2009 was a great year!
06 January 2010
Movie Time!
It's that time again! Community College and The Historic Elsinore Theatre are doing their film series for the semester. Their theme is "Intrigue and Romance" and all the classics (except the silent movies) are early WWII. Tonight was the first showing, Casablanca.
I've never seen this movie but I have wanted to. I knew I would never get around to renting it and this way I get to see it on the big screen. I really liked it and I never knew it was funny. Honestly it took me about 10 mins to be able to understand what they were saying, but once I figured that part out it was funny. I really want to go to next week's showing.
Are there any classic movies that you want to see?
Image found through Google Image
I've never seen this movie but I have wanted to. I knew I would never get around to renting it and this way I get to see it on the big screen. I really liked it and I never knew it was funny. Honestly it took me about 10 mins to be able to understand what they were saying, but once I figured that part out it was funny. I really want to go to next week's showing.
Are there any classic movies that you want to see?
02 January 2010
Yay History!
Last night I was watching the military channel and saw a really cool documentary on Operation Valkyrie. I haven't seen the movie with Tom Cruise yet, but I've wanted to since I first saw the preview. I learned that not everyone in the military knew about the mass killings of Gypsies and Jews. Some of the officers including, Colonel Count Klaus Schenck von Stauffenberg, joined the conspiracy after learning about the mass killings. And the documentary also went over if their plan went according to plan Hitler most likely would have been killed. But there were some hick-ups in the plan which only resulted in him being injured. And he told his wife to denounce him if he failed because one of them had to survive to raise their kids.
I've always believed that Germany in World War II is difficult to categorize. You can't group everyone as Nazis or Jew / Gypsy haters. That's just what we're shown. There were people in Germany that weren't like that. Germany was basically blamed for World War I in the Treaty of Versailles, even though the Germans did not start the war. The people were broke and hopeless. A strong person rose into government and gave them hope again along with a scapegoat. Discrimination started slow and I always think of it as a mob mentality, which is why most (I'm not going to say all) went along with the discrimination. Then the discrimination turned to genocide but I don't think most of the German people knew about the genocide. People that had concentration camps basically in their backyard didn't know what was happening behind those fences. And I think they didn't want to know what was going on in their backyards. I believe the average people lived in fear. The SS was not your friend. If you spoke out you disappeared.
You know, I've always wished that history classes would talk more about those people that resisted and stood up when they saw a wrong or injustice. We get it to an extent, like learning about the Civil Rights movement. But why not other times? I wished I learned about Operation Valkyrie in school. I wish I was taught about the French resistance. Anyone hear about the underground in Poland? What about how the Danish refused to collaborate with the Nazis and smuggled out their Jews to safety in Sweden! Why can't we include a history lesson on people that stood up to injustices even if meant they were going to die if they failed?
At the Halocaust Museum in DC I saw and read so much. And of course cried as I walked through, it was a very moving experience. You know, I also always wondered why the people didn't fight back. Why did they go to the concentration camps willingly? Walking through the museum helped me understand their submissive thinking a little bit. And I found out there were uprisings, and usually it was the young ones (late teens and early twentys) were the ones that would organize the fight against injustices at the camps. They weren't successful but they gave quite a fight. I saw photos and read stories about how German people hid jewish kids. For example, a family was raising a little Jewish boy as a Christain girl to save his life. And this is why you shouldn't generalize, not all Germans were haters.
I also learned that the British trained 32 people in Palestine to parachute into Germany. I had no clue! Along with their jobs, these people, risking their own lives, tried to help organize resistance groups. One story really moved me, it was the story of the poet Hannah Senesh. She was caught and executed, but the last poem she wrote is on display:
My Grandpa helped liberate a concentration camp and he said that their troops were on food rations, but they would ration their rations to feed the people they freed.
I'm still floored when some people argue that the halocaust is made up. My grandpa was a witness to these camps and horrible crimes. And even General Dwight D. Eisenhower was a witness:
I've always believed that Germany in World War II is difficult to categorize. You can't group everyone as Nazis or Jew / Gypsy haters. That's just what we're shown. There were people in Germany that weren't like that. Germany was basically blamed for World War I in the Treaty of Versailles, even though the Germans did not start the war. The people were broke and hopeless. A strong person rose into government and gave them hope again along with a scapegoat. Discrimination started slow and I always think of it as a mob mentality, which is why most (I'm not going to say all) went along with the discrimination. Then the discrimination turned to genocide but I don't think most of the German people knew about the genocide. People that had concentration camps basically in their backyard didn't know what was happening behind those fences. And I think they didn't want to know what was going on in their backyards. I believe the average people lived in fear. The SS was not your friend. If you spoke out you disappeared.
You know, I've always wished that history classes would talk more about those people that resisted and stood up when they saw a wrong or injustice. We get it to an extent, like learning about the Civil Rights movement. But why not other times? I wished I learned about Operation Valkyrie in school. I wish I was taught about the French resistance. Anyone hear about the underground in Poland? What about how the Danish refused to collaborate with the Nazis and smuggled out their Jews to safety in Sweden! Why can't we include a history lesson on people that stood up to injustices even if meant they were going to die if they failed?
At the Halocaust Museum in DC I saw and read so much. And of course cried as I walked through, it was a very moving experience. You know, I also always wondered why the people didn't fight back. Why did they go to the concentration camps willingly? Walking through the museum helped me understand their submissive thinking a little bit. And I found out there were uprisings, and usually it was the young ones (late teens and early twentys) were the ones that would organize the fight against injustices at the camps. They weren't successful but they gave quite a fight. I saw photos and read stories about how German people hid jewish kids. For example, a family was raising a little Jewish boy as a Christain girl to save his life. And this is why you shouldn't generalize, not all Germans were haters.
I also learned that the British trained 32 people in Palestine to parachute into Germany. I had no clue! Along with their jobs, these people, risking their own lives, tried to help organize resistance groups. One story really moved me, it was the story of the poet Hannah Senesh. She was caught and executed, but the last poem she wrote is on display:
"I could have been twenty-three next July
I gambled on what mattered most
The dice were cast. I lost."
My Grandpa helped liberate a concentration camp and he said that their troops were on food rations, but they would ration their rations to feed the people they freed.
I'm still floored when some people argue that the halocaust is made up. My grandpa was a witness to these camps and horrible crimes. And even General Dwight D. Eisenhower was a witness:
"The things I saw beggar description... The visual evidence and the verbal testimony of starvation, cruelty, and bestiality were so overpowering... I made this visit deliberately, in order to be in a position to give first-hand evidence of these things if ever, in the future, there develops a tendency to charge these allegations to propaganda."
I didn't talk about my visit to the Holocaust Museum when I discussed my Washington DC trip because I wanted to do a separate post on it. And last night's documentary moved me to finally write it. You're most likely going to cry, but it's worth a visit.
01 January 2010
Happy New Year
2010 is going to be a good year for me. I have several goals for 2010 that will help enrich my life. My goals range from spiritual, knowledge, and talent. (One is definitely to finish projects. Hahaha!)
I have a very personal goal and I'll let you in on it but please don't think this is for the "comments" or attention, but I have a very dear and personal goal this year to meet that I'm sharing.
I'll let you in on a secret, I'm not me. Let me explain:
The true me has been buried through years and years of being what others wanted, what others think I should be, and me not thinking I'm worth being me. Now most people aren't going to continue reading because they'll think this is a “poor-me” essay but then that's your decision, but I assure it's not.
Growing up I've always tried to be the good one. I never approached my parent's to do any sort of sports or activities through school because they always cost money. Money that I didn't want to ask because I wasn't worth it. I'm not an only child so I would push my wants aside and not ask because my family didn't have a lot of money and there were other kids at home. Others were more important than me, or so I thought.
I decided to get a job when I was sixteen so I could have money to do the things I wanted. Big mistake. That only meant I'd be working all the time and wouldn't have time to have fun with my friends or put school first. Crucial years where I could study in school and do activities to discover me were spent working. Things in school came easy to me and I stuck with the easy. I didn't try harder classes to challenge myself because I had to work. Because that's what the good girl does. I have a regret, I wish I didn't work so early in life, that I had more fun with friends, and challenged myself more. I was smart and in the wrong classes, which is why things came easy.
It's frustrating when you wear so many masks that people around you don't know the real you. And I'll admit my frustration has put me on edge and bit annoyed at things easily. Which unfortunately my family perceives my annoyance as anger and they better run for cover Stephanie is on the loose! Oh, and heaven forbid I be sarcastic because that also equates to me being upset and on the loose.
The do know the reason that I'm more annoyed and on edge lately but it's hard to verbalize to people and when I've tried they don't stop and listen. I'll just get brushed you off because “I'm just wrong because that's not how things really are.” Maybe I don't need to be told how things are or aren't, but just someone to listen to me.
Now you're probably thinking “She said this isn't a 'poor-me' post.” And it's not. I'm trying to explain the past and bit of who I am today, so I can move on.
When I was away at school I still worked. (Again school didn't come first, which is a regret). I was a different person when I was away. I was getting closer to the real me, I really was. I still had issues with confidence and my self-worth, but I was someone that had fun, not so much of a homebody. I was different there than the person that's here now.
So what happened when I moved back to Salem? I took a step backward, not forward. Or so I feel. It's really hard coming back, I feel that every thing's changed but me. My old friends who are still here have families and are moving on with their lives. And I feel as if I've done nothing with my life, just floating around in circles and wasting it. I hide from everybody. If someone does see me and starts a conversation, I shrink away and feel like “Oh, you caught me. Why are you talking to me? Don't you have something better to do?” Did you catch the key question there? “Don't you have something better to do?” That's not right, no one should feel that they're not worth the time and effort of someone talking to them.
I don't regret my move back. I was missing my family and missing my nieces and nephews growing up. (I adore being near my nieces and nephews.) And if I didn't move back I probably wouldn't have come to some realizations. And most definitely wouldn't have come up with my plan to gain confidence, a plan that is dear to me.
I do know this comes back to my feeling of inferiority. And I know this is not an inherited trait it's a learned trait. So the issue at hand is that I need to break this cycle. How does one teach themselves that they are worth something? How does one stop thinking of the regrets? Those decisions I've made in he past, including the ones I regret, have molded me into who I am today. The moment I stop regretting past choices is the moment I truly love how I am today.
Just a paragraph up I mentioned a plan. Yes, I do have a plan to gain confidence, fine my worth, love who I am and in turn bring out the real me.
But there are snags with this plan. There are several mini goals that I need to meet before my plan can happen. But I'm afraid my family doesn't understand the extent of what this plan means to me and in their eyes it's becoming just an adventure or something just for fun.
First of all, I love you all deeply but this is my plan. I know what needs to be done before and I know what needs to be done during. I know you're just trying to help me out, but the suggestions that you bring me don't meet the end result of my plan. Therefore I shoot them down and in turn you get upset and angry at me for “not listening.” I listen and I hear you. You are just wrong. I love talking about my plan because it helps fire me back up when I start feeling down (thanks inferiority complex! I can't wait until you're gone), please continue being an ear for me to talk to and be open to my plan. Just please, please, please stop telling me what to do because your suggestions are not going to help me to reach my end goal.
As I mentioned there are several mini goals that need to be accomplished first. If those are not reached within the timetable then my plan must be pushed back in accordance. This does not mean I'm not going through with my plan. This does not mean I've changed my mind. It just means that the precursor goals were not met on time. Nothing more. Please do not make me feel sad or ashamed if I have to change the time table for my plan. It will happen because for me to build my confidence and to grow I need this plan.
You know what I find funny? I have always joked about having an inner goth/punk. For Halloween I was a conservative punk at work (I wore my purple hair extensions and it was awesome) and then I was a goth Cinderella for the actual Halloween. I felt so free and so me, so I think there's part truth to that joke. I wish I found her when I was younger.
But that is a regret, and no more regrets.
I have a plan to bring out the real me and to move forward. Things of the past are done but I'm a firm believe that for a person to move forward in life they need to come to terms and resolve anything in their past. Or else you're just going to go in circles and be miserable and not know why.
Like I said at the beginning, this is going to be a good year. To those that actually read the entire post, thanks for listening. It felt really good writing this out. I'm already feeling free. (Sorry that was so long...)
What are your resolutions?
I have a very personal goal and I'll let you in on it but please don't think this is for the "comments" or attention, but I have a very dear and personal goal this year to meet that I'm sharing.
I'll let you in on a secret, I'm not me. Let me explain:
The true me has been buried through years and years of being what others wanted, what others think I should be, and me not thinking I'm worth being me. Now most people aren't going to continue reading because they'll think this is a “poor-me” essay but then that's your decision, but I assure it's not.
Growing up I've always tried to be the good one. I never approached my parent's to do any sort of sports or activities through school because they always cost money. Money that I didn't want to ask because I wasn't worth it. I'm not an only child so I would push my wants aside and not ask because my family didn't have a lot of money and there were other kids at home. Others were more important than me, or so I thought.
I decided to get a job when I was sixteen so I could have money to do the things I wanted. Big mistake. That only meant I'd be working all the time and wouldn't have time to have fun with my friends or put school first. Crucial years where I could study in school and do activities to discover me were spent working. Things in school came easy to me and I stuck with the easy. I didn't try harder classes to challenge myself because I had to work. Because that's what the good girl does. I have a regret, I wish I didn't work so early in life, that I had more fun with friends, and challenged myself more. I was smart and in the wrong classes, which is why things came easy.
It's frustrating when you wear so many masks that people around you don't know the real you. And I'll admit my frustration has put me on edge and bit annoyed at things easily. Which unfortunately my family perceives my annoyance as anger and they better run for cover Stephanie is on the loose! Oh, and heaven forbid I be sarcastic because that also equates to me being upset and on the loose.
The do know the reason that I'm more annoyed and on edge lately but it's hard to verbalize to people and when I've tried they don't stop and listen. I'll just get brushed you off because “I'm just wrong because that's not how things really are.” Maybe I don't need to be told how things are or aren't, but just someone to listen to me.
Now you're probably thinking “She said this isn't a 'poor-me' post.” And it's not. I'm trying to explain the past and bit of who I am today, so I can move on.
When I was away at school I still worked. (Again school didn't come first, which is a regret). I was a different person when I was away. I was getting closer to the real me, I really was. I still had issues with confidence and my self-worth, but I was someone that had fun, not so much of a homebody. I was different there than the person that's here now.
So what happened when I moved back to Salem? I took a step backward, not forward. Or so I feel. It's really hard coming back, I feel that every thing's changed but me. My old friends who are still here have families and are moving on with their lives. And I feel as if I've done nothing with my life, just floating around in circles and wasting it. I hide from everybody. If someone does see me and starts a conversation, I shrink away and feel like “Oh, you caught me. Why are you talking to me? Don't you have something better to do?” Did you catch the key question there? “Don't you have something better to do?” That's not right, no one should feel that they're not worth the time and effort of someone talking to them.
I don't regret my move back. I was missing my family and missing my nieces and nephews growing up. (I adore being near my nieces and nephews.) And if I didn't move back I probably wouldn't have come to some realizations. And most definitely wouldn't have come up with my plan to gain confidence, a plan that is dear to me.
I do know this comes back to my feeling of inferiority. And I know this is not an inherited trait it's a learned trait. So the issue at hand is that I need to break this cycle. How does one teach themselves that they are worth something? How does one stop thinking of the regrets? Those decisions I've made in he past, including the ones I regret, have molded me into who I am today. The moment I stop regretting past choices is the moment I truly love how I am today.
Just a paragraph up I mentioned a plan. Yes, I do have a plan to gain confidence, fine my worth, love who I am and in turn bring out the real me.
But there are snags with this plan. There are several mini goals that I need to meet before my plan can happen. But I'm afraid my family doesn't understand the extent of what this plan means to me and in their eyes it's becoming just an adventure or something just for fun.
First of all, I love you all deeply but this is my plan. I know what needs to be done before and I know what needs to be done during. I know you're just trying to help me out, but the suggestions that you bring me don't meet the end result of my plan. Therefore I shoot them down and in turn you get upset and angry at me for “not listening.” I listen and I hear you. You are just wrong. I love talking about my plan because it helps fire me back up when I start feeling down (thanks inferiority complex! I can't wait until you're gone), please continue being an ear for me to talk to and be open to my plan. Just please, please, please stop telling me what to do because your suggestions are not going to help me to reach my end goal.
As I mentioned there are several mini goals that need to be accomplished first. If those are not reached within the timetable then my plan must be pushed back in accordance. This does not mean I'm not going through with my plan. This does not mean I've changed my mind. It just means that the precursor goals were not met on time. Nothing more. Please do not make me feel sad or ashamed if I have to change the time table for my plan. It will happen because for me to build my confidence and to grow I need this plan.
You know what I find funny? I have always joked about having an inner goth/punk. For Halloween I was a conservative punk at work (I wore my purple hair extensions and it was awesome) and then I was a goth Cinderella for the actual Halloween. I felt so free and so me, so I think there's part truth to that joke. I wish I found her when I was younger.
But that is a regret, and no more regrets.
I have a plan to bring out the real me and to move forward. Things of the past are done but I'm a firm believe that for a person to move forward in life they need to come to terms and resolve anything in their past. Or else you're just going to go in circles and be miserable and not know why.
Like I said at the beginning, this is going to be a good year. To those that actually read the entire post, thanks for listening. It felt really good writing this out. I'm already feeling free. (Sorry that was so long...)
What are your resolutions?
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